Consider two European countries as different as Finland and the Netherlands and add to that several years of education and mind broadening in London. What you get is a rare mixture of very diverse impressions and implications for life.

You have to go a long way, perhaps to Iceland, if you want to find more peace, quietness and solemn silence than in Finland. The endless frozen wastes, the marvellous intensity of summer, the impressive stamp of the whole weight of nature on all aspects of life, Finland is breathtaking, at least for the casual visitor.

Then return to Holland, the anthill of Europe. With mighty neighbours like London, Paris, the region of the Ruhr, the capital of the European Union, Brussels, it is, in short, the gravitational centre of Europe, the frenetic centre of thousands of very diverse activities. Like Los Angeles, Tokyo or Hong Kong, this too is quite literally "breathtaking".

Perhaps it takes a whole life for me to glue all the parts together into a harmonic unity, to enjoy to the full extent the benefits and riches of such a life, rather than to suffer from all the contradictions, strains and struggles of adaptation, and feelings of loneliness and often being an outsider. I often feel like living a life which points ahead to the future, as distances get shorter all the time and (cultural) boundaries are crossed ever more frequently and one constantly has to adjust, to redirect, to learn new methods, to accommodate new ways etc.

In the midst of such a hectic life with daunting challenges and often feelings of getting lost in a myriad of problems of daily life as an eternal foreigner (in the long run even in your own country) and as a rootless wanderer, I took up composing in 1984, at the age of 27.

It was like a sort of soothing therapy for myself, like finding a haven of peace of mind, and also a way of introspection to find the deepest feelings within me, to find my true self.

I started composing without any academic background in the field of music whatsoever. The background of my music is purely in the emotions of experiences in life, which often seem to overwhelm me. I do not however have a disdain for academic study and traditions. Somehow and somewhere in my life I got acquainted to them and now they form a part of my background, but -even for me- almost an invisible part, for I detest intellectuality and stuffy knowledge for the sake of knowledge. My music combines a palpable respect for and deep understanding of classical music with a healthy appetite for 90's sonic experimentation and boundary crossing.

It didn't take long before I got to know myself through the mirror of my own compositions as a person who owns musicality to be jealous of: every composition comes to me like ready-made outside of me, fairly quickly and without any struggle on my part. And I got to know myself as a person who can't help being often hypersensitive and emotional, even when he tries to avoid it. At heart I am a dreaming aesthete who cares only about Beauty with a capital B.

Comparing myself to other composers I sometimes feel myself inadequate and obviously out of touch with current styles and expectations. But on other occasions I feel myself happy to have lived ten years of my life in total isolation, somewhere at the edge of the world. For it enables me to happily be self-contained and to avoid being prone to conform to people's expectations.

I had to wait for 14 years before modern technique and my finances enabled me to produce and present my music completely on my own and it feels like a dream come true.

In my compositions I pay painstaking attention to detail, often changing, revising, completing, scrapping a few notes here and there for many years. I suppose this has to do with an almost abnormal self-criticism, which in practise means that for every CD I produce there's another going into the waste paper basket. So in spite of what is said about intellectualism, I do feel all my compositions to be a product of a highly disciplined mind. There is always classical clarity of design, a certain reservation and extreme thoughtfulness.

I like to explore the limits of romance in music. Also religious anxiety seeps into my work. There is always a pursuing of mellow lyricism, tenderness and softness. I like to dwell in an escapist's dreamworld. I take a keen interest in life's mysteries and often get inspired by life's tears. To me true music is music that is deeply moving.

I do like it when people commend my music. My music really wants to draw you in, cast a spell. I hope my music forces the listener to really listen and confront the emotions displayed in it. I hope its artfulness evokes intense emotions, perhaps a kind of nostalgia or a longing for another world. I hope it generates aesthetic pleasure.

All great art is made in a sort of exceptional aesthetic situation. The creator experiences moments of inexplicable extacy and total physical restlessness.

It's not a situation of losing your sound senses, but getting access to a fantastic dreamworld inside yourself and also getting access to intense physical consciousness. Real art is a perfect unity of rationality, dream and body. I really hope that if you listen to the music this way, you'll perhaps also be refreshed by such great feelings.

We often live daily life on a superficial level. Although I feel myself just a small human being, I like my music to mean a plunge into the emotional heart of all things, the most intense expression of reality, in the centre of which is God and love.

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